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The school had a late bus for those kids who were involved in extracurricular activities, so I always had a ride home.After high school, there was a long dry spell before I managed to snag another sex partner. It seems most young ladies aren’t nearly as aggressive as Laurie. And me? I have all the social skills of a fireplug. Plus, I always remained a scrawny little twerp, so what would be the attraction?As much as I was thrilled to have my room and my bed back, the house actually felt way too empty for a while with just the three of us. Aunt Maxine in particular was a pretty cool lady, and I can admit now that I probably had a crush on her for a long time. Laurie would have laughed at that, but I don’t think she was ever the woman her mother was.I always remained my usual antisocial, reclusive self, but something about having sex with my cousin must have softened me up a little. I still didn’t understand or trust people enough to open up and make myself vulnerable, but I think I’ve. As I fetched my bosses' meals at lunch, I began to give serious thoughtto living as a man again. At that moment, I remember thinking, 'If I wasa man' before I had to laugh at myself. I was a man under my clothingafter all even if I didn't want to be one in most contexts and had nodesire to look like one.As I ate my own lunch, I really considered going back to what I was.However, I knew that it was really out of my grasp. There was Deniseafter all. She loved me as a woman, I was sure that she wouldn't go forme if I went around looking like some ordinary guy. That was not whatshe wanted. I loved her too much to destroy what we had.I was also kept in my position by my love of being en femme. Nothing inthe world gave me more satisfaction than going out into a public as thewoman I passed myself off as. I never wanted to wear men's clothingagain, but it seemed the only way to advance was to shed the girlyveneer I had encapsulated myself within.I knew, however, that it wasn't a veneer.
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